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Dodge This Bullet

The countdown is on till Reloaded. I can't wait anymore. I managed to catch X2 another time this past weekend. The second viewing is solid. The only thing is the ending drags a little but all of that is easilly forgotten. Look out for another review on Friday...

Riding The Bullet Script Review

Everybody knows who Stephen King is. He's the man behind countless classic novels with popularity paralleled by few of today's writers. As a result, over sixty of King's writings have been adapted for the big and small screen. Some of them were very good, and some of them were just plain crap. Carrie, The Shining, Stand By Me, Pet Cemetary, Misery, Shawshank Redemption, the mini-series The Stand, and The Green Mile have long been considered the better of the countless adaptations. On the flip side, Maximum Overdrive, The Tommyknockers, The Mangler, Thinner, and the recently released Dreamcatcher are arguably some of the worst. In March of 2000, King released the 41-page e-book Riding The Bullet and sold over 500,000 copies. Naturally, it screamed 'Adapt me!" because anything with popularity is seen as a cash cow in Hollywood. Enter writer-director-adapter Mick Garris (director of The Stand miniseries, the utterly crappy film Sleepwalkers, and Psycho IV: The Beginning). Garris was then hired to adapt and direct Riding the Bullet for the big screen, and thus this script came into existence.

Alan Parker (no, not British director Sir Alan Parker) is our protagonist. Alan is a dark, talented artist attending the University of Maine in September of 1969. He's a loner who would not say a word unless he had to. He's basically a young Tim Burton. Alan's dating Jessica Hardy, a fellow artist. On Alan's birthday, Jessica wants to see other people without "officially" breaking up. As a result, Alan becomes suicidal and nearly bleeds to death after accidentally slitting his wrist because a group of friends shouting "surprise" burst into the bathroom. Due to his fragile condition, Jessica plays their seeing other people off as a joke and then later confesses. It ends up she already had a few orgies and even screwed a Doberman Pinscher. After receiving concert tickets for his birthday present, Alan finds out his mother has had a heart attack, so he gives his friends the tickets and decides to hitchhike his way home to see his mother in the hospital.

As expected, Alan is picked up by an eclectic assortment of oddballs that have been seen in a myriad of films. We've got the kooky, AWOL soldier whose ineptitude ironically enough happens to be driving. Then, there's the southern farmer who smells of urine and constantly tugs at his crotch. Next, there's a freaky, bisexual corporate executive who cannot get past the topic of sex. Finally, we've got the 1950's styled greaser complete with a pack of cigarettes rolled up in his t-shirt sleeve. As we encounter these freaky people, Alan II comes out to play. Alan II is Alan's second identity that basically spouts comic relief and says out loud what Alan is thinking. Nobody aside from Alan can hear what is being said. The idea of an Alan II existing does sound rather dumb, but at least this screenplay does not have a 'memory warehouse' in it. (that incoherent thing called Dreamcatcher, anyone?)

It took me four days to read this script because it bored the ever-loving crap out of me. I could only read for 30 minutes at a time before getting fidgety to the point where I had to get away from the damned thing. It's a horror script, yet, the 'tense,' 'scary' scenes made me yawn more than any other part of the script. Granted, it's easy to say something is far from scary when it's being read and not watched, but one should feeling something other than yawns when reading it. Alan hitchhikes his way home and gains a new perspective on life. That's the film in a nutshell. It sounds like the premise for some mediocre, 'After School' special. If Alan was the least bit interesting, allowances could be dealt out, but the guy is just plain annoying. He whines constantly, nearly kills himself when his girlfriend mentions the possibility of seeing other people but still technically dating, grows paranoid whenever something just doesn't seem right, and avoids reality by constantly daydreaming what he wants to hear in various situations. If I had not known his age, I would have thought he was in junior high. Last I checked, protagonists were written to draw the reader in, in an attempt to get the reader to care about them and thus willingly follow them on their journey. As opposed to wishing the protagonist would die in a last ditch attempt to make something, anything happen in order to make the story the least bit interesting.

My main qualm with this script involves the title, Riding the Bullet. The title refers to a rollercoaster called 'The Bullet' that Alan was too scared to ride as a child. That's all that can be said about it. The ride is important enough to mention in the title. Yet, it's mentioned two, very brief times in the entire script. What's going on here? What's so important about the stupid ride? How can being too scared to ride a rollercoaster leave a void in somebody's life? If a ride causes somebody's quality of life to deteriorate, could it still be considered an 'amusement' ride? Why am I asking you?

The bright spots of this script are few and far between, but here's one of the funny sections in order to show it is not a complete lost cause.

HECTOR
You know what would be weird?

ARTIE
What?

HECTOR
When they get old. You know, when the Beatles get old. What's it gonna be like when Lennon and Hendrix and Janis and Jim Morrison and all the gods of rock'n'roll are like old and fat and bald and stuff?

ARTIE
It'll be a world I don't want to live in. . .

HECTOR
Amen, brother.

It's sad to think this is the highlight of the script.

When it's all said and done, Riding the Bullet lacks potential of any kind. One can only hope substantial rewrites occur or production stalls. It's straight-to-cable quality material at best. Wherever it ends up, I'll be sure to be elsewhere because I am not a fan of watching train wrecks.

(Review sent it by Verbal.)

Stay tuned...

That's all folks...

Jean-François Allaire (aka DeadPool)

Questions, comments, praise etc. Email me at deadpool@tnmc.org

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Jean-François Allaire is TNMC's first columnist. At only 24 years old he has become a respected entertainment journalist, with his columns appearing in Corona's Coming Attractions and Scr(i)pt magazine. He also writes a monthly column in Screenwriters Monthly entitled 'The Last Word.' Hailing from Montreal this young writer is determined to dig up all the details on the movies before they hit your local theater. If you're part of a movie production then you really need to be talking to him.